No, I’m not talking about Mitch McConnell’s face. Let’s try another year.
See it? Not yet?
Okay, let’s keep going then.
Why are so many people wearing overcoats?
Because it’s cold. Why?
Because it’s January and people are outdoors.
Why?
Because it’s the tradition to hold the inauguration ceremony on the steps of the Capitol.
Why?
Because of the War of 1812.
During this war, American troops plundered and set fire to the buildings of the Legislative Assembly of Upper Canada in York (Modern-day Toronto).
In retaliation, in 1814, after defeating the US troops in the disastrous Battle of Bladensburg, the Brits set fire to Washington D.C.
The Presidential Mansion (it wasn’t known as the White House yet) was burned, and so was the Capitol.
When James Monroe was inaugurated in 1817, there weren’t any buildings left in D.C. that could host the inauguration. So, the decision was made to hold it on the steps of the Capitol.
And that became a tradition. Of course, it wasn’t nearly as cold then, because presidents used to be inaugurated in March. In 1937, people started holding the inauguration on January 20th, but they kept it outdoors, because… tradition.
And that, kids, is why you shouldn’t invade Canada and burn their buildings. It will lead to a cascade of events that will culminate in the absurd scenario where you have to freeze your ass off every 4 years when your president is being sworn in.
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Because if you’ve watched a movie since it was made, that movie probably used techniques developed in Citizen Kane.
Doesn’t it look like Kane is in front of a giant poster of himself in a massive venue? Nah, that would have been way too expensive. The background is a small painting and the actors were shot on a blank stage with the background added later. That was a brand new technique when Welles came up with it. It’s pretty much been used in every movie since.
Yeah, pretty much Welles invented this sort of shot for the film. It’s pretty much been used in every film since too.
See where Welles is closer and larger in frame even though he’s in shadow, while Cotton is further back and in bright light. Do you know what you have to do to keep both actors in focus?! Yep, Welles. It’s been a common technique every since.
Have you ever seen a set with a ceiling? Of course you have. Before “Kane”, sets never had ceilings. But see how it makes the shot more effective by forcing your perspective and giving a sense of claustrophobia to the scene?
Doesn’t it look like someone is standing on a high balcony looking down on a huge crowd. Nope. That’s a movie on the left. The actor on the right is just staring into empty space. Welles again.
Have you ever seen a movie where the passage of a long period of time is shown through a series of scenes that take place in the same location? In a three minute segment, Welles shows the breakdown of the marriage between Kane and his first wife by showing a series of breakfasts between the two. Yep, Welles did it first.
Ever see a David Fincher movie where the camera passes through a window or something. Yeah, he stole that from Welles.
A scene where the camera appears to pan up about 100 feet above the opera stage to where the stagehands are critiquing the second Mrs. Kane’s performance? Movie on bottom, movie on top, camera scanning over painting of the upper levels of an opera house in the middle.
More remarkably – Citizen Kane was shot with no budget. Welles only had permission to shoot test footage and was given daily expenses. He managed to produce an entire movie under the nose of a studio without them noticing.
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My wife’s Japanese grandfather lived with us for three years before he died. He did not speak English at all, but I thought his quiet, unobtrusive presence would not be burdensome to my wife as she cared for our three young children at home, just another mouth to feed, so I agreed to having him live out his last years with us. He was a brilliant man, a highly respected physicist, in his day. In his eighties, he was a wise and gentle soul.
When he moved in, he chose certain daily chores for himself. He opened the curtains every morning and closed them every evening. He kept the entryway clean and straightened the shoes. He swept the crumbs from under the dining table after every meal. But most of all, he insisted on greeting me at the top of the stairs every day after work. He would take my arm and lead me to the dining table where he had set out tea for us to drink. He would talk about his day — in Japanese — I had no clue what he was saying. Then it was my turn to unburden myself with the cares of the day. We finished our tea and I felt deeply refreshed and ready to engage with my wife and children. At first, I thought I was humoring him because he was lonely but, over time, I realized that he was doing it for me… helping me to debrief and unwind from my hectic day, better enabling me to enjoy and connect with my family.
Then came the fateful morning when he died. His hand was pressed tightly against his chest and his breathing was labored as he leaned against the hallway. My wife called me from my dressing room as I was getting ready for work. She asked if she should call an ambulance. Her grandfather looked at her sharply and shouted, “No!” He understood what she had said perfectly. Our eyes met and he nodded his head with finality. I knew he was dying — and that he wanted to die at home.
My wife paced back and forth, wringing her hands. “We must do something… What can we do? … Maybe I should call the paramedics and ask them…”
I answered, “If you call them, they must come.”
She continued, “What if they could help him, add months, or even years to his life? What if they can just ease his pain? …”
“That’s not what he wants,” I answered. “He has lived a full life. He’s ready to die. He wants to pass at home with his family around him.”
“But, what if… what if… what if…” she stammered. Her body was shaking, her beautiful face twisted with doubt and anxiety. I thought of her and her love for her grandfather and I realized that if he died in our home that morning, she would always blame herself, never quite sure if she should have done something more. I looked into his eyes. He looked downward and nodded his head without saying a word. Neither of us had spoken. I went to the telephone and called the paramedics.
They arrived shortly afterward. Grandfather, was calm and assisted them as best he could getting up onto the gurney. He smiled at everyone, including me; I felt as though I had betrayed him and did not deserve his generous forgiveness. I had made a conscious choice in favor of my wife’s tender conscience over his final wishes. I knew it was the only choice I could make, but it grieved me to make it.
Forty-five minutes later, I arrived at the hospital. He was in the cold, sterile emergency room, surrounded by strangers, with tubes in his nose, needles in his arms, strange incomprehensible voices shouting urgent commands filling his ears, and bolts of electricity jolting his chest… A doctor emerged and said he had passed. I turned and walked out into the parking lot and burst into tears, hoping that in the end he understood my choice — I felt assured that he did by his final nod — and that made me cry the more.
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September 15, 1896, Texas – two trains crash at high speed. Bits of shrapnel are sent hurtling through the air. Two people are killed.
The catch?
It was all staged.
From 1896 to the 1930s, staged train-wrecks were in fashion.
The particular event which paved the way for the bizarre trend was called the ‘Crash in Crush’. William George Crush, the organiser, set up a temporary town. A railway track was constructed. Forty thousand people turned up to the event. The trains were set up and then began their collision course.
The organisers didn’t realise, however, that the boilers in the locomotives probably wouldn’t make it. Of course, the trains exploded on their collision and train wreckage went flying. Two spectators were killed by the shrapnel. A witness described the event:
‘There was a swift instance of silence, and then, as if controlled by a single impulse, both boilers exploded simultaneously and the air was filled with flying missiles of iron and steel varying in size from a postage stamp to half a driving wheel.’
But this didn’t seem to bother a lot of people – immediately after the crash, the spectators flocked to the destroyed trains to observe the damage that had been done.
Yes – this set off even more staged train-wrecks. The California State Fair held an event like this in 1913:
‘Fairgoers likely held their breath as two smoke-belching locomotives barrelled toward each other at 25 mph and … kaboom! Onlookers were then allowed to walk up and inspect the considerable damage.’
Joe Connelly was responsible for many of these events. Sometimes he would add dynamite to the railway tracks, with the railway cars soaked in gasoline, to make it even more impressive.
It seems like such a strange trend, with nearly a hundred of these deliberate train crashes taking place – but nevertheless, proved to be highly popular.
In the middle of the desert, at the back of a dusty bus, a man sits alone.
In a few hours, this man will make history. Humanity is about to be launched into the galaxy as this man kickstarts a space race that will transform our vision of ourselves.
His name, of course, is Yuri Gagarin.
And in a few hours, Yuri will become the first man to orbit the Earth and live to tell the tale.
But right now, at the back of his scruffy bus, Gagarin has a more pressing concern. Literally. Because just like any other human before a stressful moment, be it a test, a presentation, a battle or a race… Gagarin really, REALLY needs to pee.
Unable to take it any longer, he orders the bus driver to stop the bus. He then walks to the right rear wheel, zips down his spacesuit… and proceeds to relieve himself on the tire.
Moments later, he jumps back onto the bus, and drives off to fulfill his destiny.
But Gagarin wasn’t the only thing to become immortal that day. Because of his success, everything he did pre-launch was mimicked and copied by the cosmonauts who came after him, and became good luck rituals set in stone.
These include, but are not limited to, having a huge breakfast, planting a sapling, signing Gagarin’s guestbook and watching the Soviet movie “White Sun of the Desert” on the day before launch.
And, of course, my personal favorite: peeing on the right rear wheel of the bus.
“You’d think with the billions of dollars they put in the Space Program, they’d have invested in proper toilets by now.”
“Shut up Carl.”
Barely two years later, however, on the 16th of June 1963, this ritual created a crisis. On that date, the USSR had decided to set a new first: the first woman in space.
Having gone through incredibly tough training and topped a crop of female candidates, Tereshkova had demonstrated over and over that she was by far the most qualified candidate. Nevertheless, worries ran high. This was the first time Roscosmos was doing this with a woman… and everyone had one major concern: what about the ritual of peeing on the bus?
Perhaps, many thought, it would be easier just to skip it. Maybe they could pretend it didn’t exist and just keep driving to the base. After all, how was a woman supposed to zip down her suit and urinate on the tire?
But Tereshkova would never have accepted that. When the bus was halfway to the base, she ordered the driver to stop. Stepping out, she strode to the right rear wheel, squatted down, and peed.
Then, without a word, she zipped back up, returned to the bus, and sat down.
“Poyekhali!” she barked, “Let’s go!”
Ever since Tereshkova, every single female cosmonaut has urinated on the right rear tire before a launch. Some have done it with little vials of pee prepared beforehand. Some have done it old school.
But all have carried out the ritual.
So you tell me – what is the main difference between men and women?
After all, not only did we also go to space – we peed on the freakin’ bus wheel too.
Mexico City is sinking several feet every year and it doesn’t appear to be getting better.
It’s caused by two things:
One: poor design and sourcing of water.
(Source: Mexico City, Parched and Sinking, Faces a Water Crisis. Kimmelman, Michael)
They continue drilling beneath the city for more water, doing this, they are depleting the water beneath the clay that the Aztecs originally built the city on, which causes the ground to drift further downwards.
They haven’t taken enough action to source water from a more long-term source. Until then, it will only continue their predicament and put them at risk of flooding.
Two: climate change. With increased fluctuations in weather and dry seasons, it is causing them to be more aggressive in pursuing water sources.
Mexico City also has a volcano next to it that is likely to erupt.
But who cares. A volcano never caused a problem for any cities.
(People who chose not to flee when mount Vesuvius went off by Pompeii met a 100km/hr blast of ashes)
But seriously.
Don’t fuck with volcanoes.
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On February 23, 1942, President Franklin Roosevelt prepared for his first fireside chat since the attack on Pearl Harbor.
Roosevelt used his fireside chats to speak directly to the American people. Families across the country grew accustomed to gathering around their radios to hear the president’s soothing patrician tones.
Photo: President Franklin D. Roosevelt delivers a Fireside Chat, January 11, 1944. (Photo: Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library) Radio: FDR’s ‘Natural Gift’
Before his address, the president asked citizens to have maps available, in order to follow along as he outlined the war’s aims.
The president shared his thoughts with his speechwriter, Judge Samuel Rosenman.[1]
I’m going to speak about strange places that many of them never heard of – places that are now the battleground of civilization. I want to explain to the people something about geography – what our problem is and what the overall strategy of the war has to be. I want to tell it to them in simple terms of ABC so that they will understand what is going on and how each battle fits into the picture.
If they understand the problem and what we are driving at, I am sure they can take any kind of bad news right on the chin.[2]
Americans raced to buy maps before the president’s speech. Map stocks were quickly sold out in many areas, and shop owners struggled to fill orders.[3]
As his speech began at 10pm on the 23rd, 61,365,000 people tuned in, many with maps spread out before them. This huge number represented about 78 percent of the adult listening audience.[4]
Roosevelt consistently exhorted those listening to “look at your map,” as he ticked off the issues facing war planners.
There are those who still think, however, in terms of the days of sailing ships. They advise us to pull our warships and our planes and our merchant ships into our own home waters and concentrate solely on last ditch defense. But let me illustrate what would happen if we followed such foolish advice.
Look at your map. Look at the vast area of China, with its millions of fighting men. Look at the vast area of Russia, with its powerful armies and proven military might. Look at the (British Isles) Islands of Britain, Australia, New Zealand, the Dutch Indies, India, the Near East and the Continent of Africa, with their (re)sources of raw materials – their resources of raw materials, and of peoples determined to resist Axis domination. Look too at North America, Central America and South America.[5]
He explained in greater detail the advantages Japan would have in the battles to come. Japanese plans could use Pacific island bases as “stepping stones” to multiple points on the Indo-China, Thailand, and Malaya coasts.[6]
I ask you to look at your maps again, particularly at that portion of the Pacific Ocean lying west of Hawaii. Before this war even started, the Philippine Islands were already surrounded on three sides by Japanese power. On the west, the China side, the Japanese were in possession of the coast of China and the coast of Indo-China which had been yielded to them by the Vichy French.
On the North are the islands of Japan themselves, reaching down almost to northern Luzon. On the east, are the Mandated Islands – which Japan had occupied exclusively, and had fortified in absolute violation of her written word.[7]
With a nod to the concurrent celebration of George Washington’s birthday, Roosevelt closed the address with ringing words from Revolutionary War patriot Thomas Paine.
The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.
Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered, yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the sacrifice, the more glorious the triumph.[8]
On December 23, 2019, a U.S. Army Green Beret was killed in combat operations in Kunduz province, Afghanistan.[9] Sgt 1st class Michael J. Goble was killed by an explosion, while his unit cleaned out a Taliban weapons cache.[10]
Goble is one of 2,218 service members killed in Afghanistan since the beginning of the war there on October 7, 2001.[11]
When I read about the bravery of Michael Goble, I thought about President Roosevelt’s frequent addresses to the nation, asking them to follow him as he delved into painstaking detail on individual battles, war strategies, and the potential costs of World War II.
The United States has been at war in Afghanistan for over 18 years, across three presidential administrations. None of these presidents has launched a public education program like Roosevelt.
I tried to imagine 80 percent of the country gathered around the television as our president led us through a detailed account of the overall strategy in the Afghanistan War.
I tried to imagine the president asking all of us to look at our maps as he patiently explained the difficulties of combat around the Hindu Kush mountains, or the ebb and flow of fighting according to the winter closing of the mountain passes.
I tried to imagine the president carefully explaining the history of Afghanistan, or the power of the warlords that needed to be bought, fought, and sidelined in order to find the Taliban fighters hiding among a hostile civilian population.
I tried to imagine the president explaining ongoing combat operations in Afghanistan, doing so on a monthly basis.
And, more importantly, I tried to imagine a scenario where the president does so, and more than 100 million people tune in to hear more about our soldiers fighting and dying on the other side of the globe.
In our fragmented, tribal world, the days of intimate political speeches in front of a vast, united audience are a relic of the past.
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